Sunday, April 24, 2011

Friendship

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"There is nothing that I would not do for those who are really my friends.  I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature" - Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey)

Lately I've been thinking about this ... quite a lot  ... I always believe that whatever relationships that you have whether with someone you love or with your friends, it all comes to this rule which is, TRUST and RESPECT.  If you don't have this basic rule in it there is no relationships or friendships.

Friends Are Equal

In a healthy relationship, friends are equals ... well should be treated equally or maybe not 50/50 every time, but 50/50 over the long haul. 

Healthy friendship is like a seesaw. One person isn't always dominant and the other person isn't always submissive. In any relationship, whether it's friendship, parent/child, or marriage, at sometime one is more dominant than the other, but it evens out in the end. 




"Don't walk in front of me, I might not follow. Don't walk behind me, I might not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend." - Author Unknown 



All relationships, including friendship, involve a balance of power. When one friend grows, it upsets the balance. The other friend is forced toward growth.

"If that other friend refuses to grow, one of two things will happen. The friendship will end, or it will become stagnant (dead)." 

Anytime there is a perceived inequality or imbalance, the door is open for jealousy. Yet jealousy has no place in a friendship. 

Anytime you have jealous feelings in a friendship, ask yourself three questions: 

1. Do I need to feel jealous about this? 
2. Don't I have a choice here? 
3. What does she/he have that is more important than our friendship? 

You have actually chosen to be who and what you are. Therefore, there is no reason to be jealous of anyone. Once you have answered these three questions, you will probably realize nothing is more important than your friendship.


Do Friendship involves Manipulation?

A friends does not manipulate you and you do not use manipulation with your friends. 
If you think you could be guilty of manipulation or feel a friend is manipulating you, ask yourself a few questions: 



Do we always go to the place my friend prefers or always go to the places I prefer? 

Does my friend use humor to put me down or do I do likewise? 
Does my friend seem to enjoy correcting factual errors in conversations? Do I? 
Do I always seem to seem weak or "poor me" to a friend or does my friend do this to me? 
Do I need my friend enough to be the clutching type or does she/he seem to be clutching at me? 

The above are instances of manipulation that have no place in friendship. 
According to Alan Loy McGinnis in his book The Friendship Factor, there are three types of manipulators: 


The manipulator who needs to be needed. 

• The manipulator who wants to take charge. 

• The manipulator who wants to be pitied and manipulates by appearing weak. 


Recognize anyone you know????




" A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away." - Arabian Proverb

As for me .. true friendship can be defined as ....

An in-depth relationship combining trust, support, communication, loyalty and understanding.


These are certainly aspects of life that all of us crave. 

Being able to trust and relax with your friend is a big part of friendship. 


But no one can form a friendship until he/she realizes that the basis of being friends is meeting the needs of the other person. One must be a friend to have one. 

Never forget that friends relate. Relating is the basis of friendship. 


Quotes to ponder ...




"It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a garden with strangers." -Persian Proverb


"People never know how special someone is until they leave, but maybe sometimes its important to leave, so they are given that chance to see how special that someone really is!" 


"Friends never make assumptions about you. They never expect a reason to go out with you. In fact friends only expect you to be you!" 


It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, a hour to like someone, and a day to fall in love with someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. 


"Your best friends are going to hurt you every once in a while, you must forgive them for that."


"Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there; they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are." 


"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with friendship." - Ralph Waldo Emerson


"People may not remember exactly what you did or what u said, but they will always remember how you made them feel."


"A friendship is like a gold chain..each link is a memory from past to present..never let the chain break or else the friendship will be gone..remember gold is a valuable as the friendship is"


"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though they know you are slightly cracked."


"Never let your friendship die because of a lie, Tell the truth"


"Friendship is that sheltering tree which covers you with warmth when you are cold with Sorrow, balms your soul when you are hurt in heart and bandages with love when you bleed inside!" 


"Friendship is the comfort that comes from knowing that even when you feel all alone, you aren't."





"We each take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other, everywhere."


"Friends are those with whom we feel comfortable enough to 'think out loud."


"Friendship : Our greatest joy and our greatest sorrow . For without our most cherished friends our world is so often filled with sad tomorrows."


"The language of friendship is not words , but rather meanings . It is an intelligence above language." -Thoreau



"Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long, 'til I'm going to need somebody to lean on." - "Lean On Me"


"In good times, in bad times I'll be on your side forever more, that's what friends are for." - "That's what friends are for"


"Let me be the one you call If you jump, I will break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart, If you need to crash, then crash and burn, you're not alone" - Crash and Burn by Savage Garden


"I'll stand by you, take me into your darkest hour, I wont let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you, and, I'll never desert you" - The Pretenders


"Every now and then we find a special friend, who never lets us down, who understands it all, reaches out each time you fall, you're the best friend that I've found."
-Jordan Hill - "Remember Me This Way"



"For a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm...I turn to you. For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on...for everything you do, for everything that's true, I turn to you." - Christina Aguilera (I Turn to You)

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