Love & Fear

I love walking around in my bedroom when I turn on my scented gel.  The smell it’s just so fresh and makes me not wanting to leave the room at all.

I love sleeping to soothing music and even sometimes my favourite drama/sitcoms. They just make me want to dream good things and forget about the bad things. Sometimes, it's the only way I can sleep.

I love when I need somebody, my family are always there even when I don't ask for it, and how much I matter to them, making me feel all the more important than this weird existence I have. They make me want to live my life to the very fullest.

I love it when my whole family gathers and we just talk and eat and talk and eat and after, we'll just goofing around, watching movies and share stories about our day, laughing like we don't need anything else.

I love sunny days where it's nice and cool yet I can still feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. It just makes a great day to be out and just take off my shoes, sitting on the grass while reading a good book for hours.

 
I love staying up until the wee hours of the night just chatting or watching my favourite dramas.    

I love listening to my parents talking about how they grew up and the things they went through in their lives.  Their journey, stories they share always have strength, happiness, sadness and carries a significant meaning in their life.

I love going to the lakes and waterfalls and when I soak my foot into the water it feels like a breath of fresh air and the safest I've ever been.

I have this extremely strong fear of not being able to live my life the way I want to. Ever since I was younger, I hated it when somebody told me how my life should and would be. I'm scared that in the future I'll just be another robot in this consumed driven galaxy and I scare myself with this thought everyday.

I'm afraid my family might just fall apart over the dumbest things.

I’m afraid of snakes.   I would scream and freaked out when I see them whether it’s in tv or just pictures of them in the magazines etc.  I’d go all cold and stiff when I see the real one. I never know whether to run or to just stay still. I actually cried once because one got really close to my body.  I often freaked when they just poked me with fake snakes.

I have this weird fear of unnecessary loud noises. Nobody knows about this because I somewhat got over it but sometimes it does come back to haunt me.

This would be considered cliché but I'm scared of the thought of ever losing my loved ones. I can't even imagine days without them ever coming back and sometimes I even selfishly ask to be taken first so I won't suffer without them.

I get scared, when it comes to relationships, to truly let myself be vulnerable.

I'm afraid I'll never live up to my dreams/plans like how I've always imagined. I'm scared that everything I do in life will be so not important, nobody will remember who I was. I just don't want to fail when it comes to my own life.

I fear I won't ever find somebody who could handle me and my feelings.